Dark Secrets

Dark Secrets
A novel by Chadwick von Dogwine


Ze air is cooling in mine veins, I am breathing it up through mine nostril with one eye shut, dreaming of ze first encounters with mine lover: Charlotte Betty. Charl was e’ nice girl but she had a dark secret, ‘ere mine friends is where dis story begins: In ze heartland of America: Mexico.

“The land of the free” screamed Japeto waiting for his ride to come over the mountain “It is not but god’s gift to man” the young African, Mexican, Indian man sailed his boat into a tree, “GAR, Dis may be one of dem sea trees” growled Dr. Judaism: the dread pirate doctor. Japeto was so out of it by the now the seconds turned into years, Japeto had a young child that was his mother, but his mother child had a dark secret.

The world exploded into life as Steven got his first breath of fresh air; he was 15 years old and had only just then got out for fresh air. Like most babies Steve began to cry because he was pulled away from the thing that was keeping him alive for so long: video games. Then the bomb hit. Acid rain was everywhere and the evil scientist had won “not so fast” yelled Japeto pointing a gun to the scientists head “That's my mother son”. An epic gun battle arose between Japeto and the scientist but the scientist had a dark secret.

Death and/or destruction plagued the streets like Rosie O’ Donnel plagued the internet with her bad grammar. Den teh hole wrld just like sploded frm teh hole fing LOL. The only survivors were the scientist, Japeto, Steven and Dr. Judaism. “I will now tell you my dark seceret “ laughed the scientist
“that's not how you spell seacret “ said Japeto, feeling quite happy with himself
“That's not how you spell it either!” yelled the scientist cus hes a jerk
“GAR, Enough of this tom foolery he rotten scallywags” exclaimed Dr. Judaism lets battle, but unknown to the doctor: he had a dark secret.

The world was so totally screwed right now that mars was like “LOLOLOL” but enough about that big red jerk, everyone knows his dark secerets! Then a ninja was there! With a dark secret.

So now the earth is in tiny pieces, and evil scientist is trying to kill Steven, Steven is Japeto’s Mother baby, Dr. Judaism is high and there’s a ninja. Every one of those people has a dark secret except for Japeto, OH RLY? I don’t think so. The world re-built itself using PVC glue and tooth picks. The scientist was now almost beaten “I..I will tell you my dark secret” he muttered “I AM CHARL” Dr. Judaism’s head exploded cus I am sick of spelling his name wrong all the time. Japeto was in shock “Stevens a woman!” he exclaimed “and something about the scientist having a girl’s name”. Jap was in shock, he couldn’t believe that he was surrounded by women and a dead doctor. Dark secret.